It’s been an interesting day. There was no zealous energy to eat healthy, exercise, get out, and conquer the world with the promise of a fresh new start ahead of me, and a renewed hope to make this year a better year than the last. Don’t get me wrong, I am ready to do all that. I just feel a certain calm about it. I’m not coming in hot. I’m more gliding on a ‘zephyr’ doing what I can and not beating myself up if I don’t. Did I eat healthily today? A little bit. Did I exercise? Does housework count? (It totally does by the way. Any smartwatch that records your movement will tell you that). Am I GETTING. STUFF. DONE.? Absolutely! I’m a Mom, of course, I’m getting stuff done. The better question is am I getting MY stuff done? (Which can be sitting on the couch and taking a nap or reading. I believe they call it, self-care. And that’s definitely stuff worth doing).
What makes the day interesting is how I choose to look at my goals and how I choose to carry them out. I’m not going to be hard on myself anymore. If I planned and organized, and executed, but not everything went according to plan or unraveled in disorganized chaos, or not everything got done. I’m going to give myself grace and be okay with that, knowing that it will get back on track at some point. It’s worth mentioning here that this is not a New Year’s resolution. In fact, I’ve been working on this for months. This is just a life goal thing that I started when I was ready to, and not something I decided to set up and be ready to do as soon as the clock struck 12.
That’s what we must do for ourselves. To not use dates on a calendar to determine when we should do something. Moreover, and this is a big one, we shouldn’t set goals that we aren’t fully passionate about achieving. Goals that limit us, like diets or a relentless workout schedule, or goals that don’t get us excited at just the thought of it are a waste of your time. Instead, be kind to yourself. Do what you love. Do what makes you happy. But! Big but. DO SOMETHING. Doing nothing or doing the same thing that makes you unhappy is not progress. Progress is growth and growth is a key ingredient in your happiness.
Another thing that made the day interesting is I started the day grumpy. Normally, I would have anxiety about how my energy on the first day of the year is a precursor to the rest of the year. No pressure. I don’t feel that way though. I’m actually pretty pumped about 2024. I’m feeling a buzzing inside that shoots little surges of excitement when I think about how great this year is going to be. However, today didn’t start out in a way that reflected that. I started that first day of the year watching TV alone, then having an uncomfortable and restless few hours of sleep on the couch to avoid my husband’s coughing and snoring due to a cold. Then woken up by him fighting with the coffee maker that wasn’t working at 5:30 am. In my fatigue, I went back to bed in our bedroom without wishing him New Year’s or a good day at work (yes, he had to work New Years Day this year –and Christmas too). And then it began. An hour later my kids were in and out of my room like a train station. This lasted for two hours until I was fed up. After yelling to leave me alone, I couldn’t sleep, so I got up. So far, that doesn’t sound like a great start to the day. But it was because in that moment I realized that I was ready to create boundaries.
My three main goals for this year will be boundaries, nutrition, and fulfilling my passions. (More on the last two later). Setting boundaries with my kids is huge for me. For reasons that I’ll have to reflect further on with my therapist, I haven’t been very good at setting boundaries with them. And now that I am claiming some of my time for my interests (and let’s face it, basic needs), it’s been eye-opening how much I need to set boundaries. Up to now, I’ve had an open-door policy with our bedroom. In case, they are sick, or have a nightmare, or when they were little had bathroom accidents. That’s become an invitation for deep thoughts about butterflies at 9 pm, or not finding one’s sock at 12 am, or not being able to get back to sleep after a trip to the bathroom at 3 am. And lastly, coming in just because we’re awake now at 5 am and wiggling around on the bed like they’re at a dance party. It’s hard to believe that the concept of the alarm clock with different color lights to indicate when they can leave their room only occurred to me a month ago after 8 years of this. This has helped a good deal during the week. I want to have this same system on weekends I want to sleep in. I don’t want to lock my door. But…I kind of do want to lock my door. If asking them to not come in doesn’t work, then maybe that’s the next step. Let’s just say, that boundaries are a work in progress for me. What’s important is that I’m ready to set them and I’m not going to feel that usual Mom-guilt (that’s a real thing) about it.
So, I could have felt bad about how the morning started and felt anxiety about starting off my year this way. But I don’t. Because I see this as growth. This realization with no guilt attached to it, is the result of work done prior. Not something started today because it’s the first day of the year and there’s some invisible rule that things should start on certain days or certain times of year. Start when you’re ready. Whatever it is that you want to do, start small and start when it feels right to you.
Stay tuned for more on my second and third goals, nutrition, and fulfilling my passions. A xo
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