Yoga has been peppered throughout the last two decades of my life. I first sought it out in my 20s as a way to help with my depression. And from the first couple of classes I took, I soon realized a connection to it. Yoga and meditation drew me in. I didn’t understand it much back then and only ever focused on the physicality of it. Almost as if my mind wasn’t ready to grasp what it could be for me in my life.
I can see now the trajectory yoga has made in my life to now. From what it was then – 20’s exploration; to what it became – 30’s form of retreat, help with pregnancy, and an activity with kids; to what it is now – 40’s becoming an awakening. I can say now that it’s time to take this to the next level.
200HR Yoga Teacher Training (YTT)
For a hot minute in my younger days, I thought about being a yoga teacher, but redirected my aspirations to other things (I THOUGHT!) would be a better fit. My intuition took a back seat a lot in those days. But now it just seems right. It just makes total sense. I am meant to do this.
It felt like I hit the ground running when my 200HR YTT started. We had to read a book with very complex ideology and language, and there was homework! My fear and anxiety set in wanting so badly to do well and understand what I needed to do. There was one moment where I misunderstood the instructions and didn’t do the homework correctly. I panicked and flaked out at that moment. I was so upset with myself. The next day I took a yoga class and cried as I moved through the poses. Who knew yoga could be so stressful?
The reality is, no one puts pressure on you but you. I learned later on in the training that the point is to screw up. That’s what learning is all about. And that’s why yoga is called a “practice”. You keep doing it and doing it and doing it, all the while getting better, learning more, mastering some things, and opening up the door to master more. Yoga is the one thing you can spend your whole life doing and never reach the end. Sounds frustrating, I know. The point is to achieve enlightenment. It’s like trying to say you’re practicing reaching the point of figuring life out. That’s most likely impossible, but the more you learn the more you know, and you become much wiser. In yoga, you get that much closer to being enlightened.
Aside from goal setting to achieve some higher Self, the real joy comes from the journey. It teaches you so much about yourself and what it is to exist in this life. Sounds airy-fairy but stay with me here. I’ve spent most of my life suffering from depression and anxiety. The chatter in my head never ceases. But since I started dedicating myself to my yoga practice, I’ve never felt so much inner peace in my entire 45 years of living. Okay, I was probably pretty blissful from 0-2 years old like most humans, but you know what I mean.
I’ve had an “a-ha” moment where I’ve noticed myself reacting to situations with extreme calm and peace when before I would spin out of control into a meltdown. I have less negative self-talk. I’ve paid more attention to what my gut tells me. I let life unfold more rather than trying to control every little minute detail of my life. And it’s wonderful. The inner peace that I used to spend numerous nights crying, begging, and pleading to God– to the universe– for in my teenage and young adult years has come. And I have my yoga practice to thank for it.
I digress…
The training has helped me to stay committed to my practice. I’m required to take at least three classes a week in addition to 4-hour training sessions twice a week. I’m basically at the studio all the time. And I love it! Every minute of it. If this is what finding your purpose feels like, it’s amazing and you should try it! Highly recommend.
It takes dedication and commitment, and it can be challenging if you have other responsibilities and priorities to juggle like work or running a household. But, if you really want something, you make it work. My (secret) mentor told me, if your excuses are bigger than your desire then you don’t really want it.
Training started in April and that first month was filled with learning things I never knew before about yoga or in general (who knew I’d learn Anatomy?), being pushed waaaaaay outside of my comfort zone (sharing my fears and self-reflection with new people was intense!) and building new friendships.
So happy I decided to do this, especially when I almost didn’t. Funny how life works out sometimes.
To be continued…
A xo
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